Stop wishing for what you can do yourself

(originally published 20DEC20)

“I would give my life to be able to play the violin as you do.” “I did.” 

There are several versions of this story, each closed with some kind of “I did,” “no, you don’t, because you don’t know what it cost me,” or “no, you don’t, because you aren’t willing to make the sacrifices necessary.” We tend to mirror these sentiments for most of life: “if only I were as fit as he is,” “if only I had the career that she has,” “if only I had the fame/money/talents/time.” But how often do we, as Christians, say the same thing about our walk with God? “I wish I could understand the Bible the way he does.” “I wish I had a prayer life as she has.” 

To what, to where do we look for the answers to these questions? Today seems fraught with the desire to blame others for everything wrong, but that has always been the case. Even in the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve both blamed someone else for why they ate of the forbidden fruit. Moses blamed Israel, Israel blamed the giants, Saul blamed David, Jonah blamed Nineveh and God Himself... It could almost be said that to be human is to avoid responsibility.

We see this contrasted by the “greats” of our past and present. Almost always these “greats” are not great because of their birth, their intelligence, or luck. What we normally call greatness is not seen in inheritance, but in action. David was nobody, but he made no excuses when going before Goliath. Peter was a fisherman, but he went and followed Jesus. Paul inherited all manner of worldly value and gave it up for something else, something greater. Alexander Hamilton had no inheritance but instead struggled against his circumstances to become the legend he is. R G LeTourneau was not blessed with a rich childhood, but he worked hard, he learned, he owned his future, and he established a legacy of innovation. 

The common thread that we see is that of responsibility: the greats owned their decisions and the consequences thereof, while the forgotten, the bywords, blamed everyone else, or simply didn’t do. Those who did achieve in life engaged with life, they struggled with life; they didn’t float to the top, they fought to the top. Those who failed in life almost always failed through inaction: refusing to do, always putting off, only doing “just enough.” Where does that leave us?

“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own . . .” Epictetus, as quoted in The Daily Stoic.

There’s a common thread that runs through both Stoic philosophy and Paul’s epistles: identify what you can change and change it, and identify what you can’t change and be at peace with it. This is a common teaching about complaining: if you can’t do anything about it, complaining won’t change it; if you can do something about it, then do it instead of complaining; in either case, complaining is useless. As Grant Cardone says in The 10X Rule: “Almost every problem people face in their careers and other aspects of their lives—such as failed diets, marriages, and financial problems—are all the result of not taking enough action.”

The Christmas season is known for many things, including holidays, family time, vacations, traveling, loosened diets, and, closing it out: new beginnings, with the New Year resolutions. Let us, then, resolve this year not to change the world, but to change ourselves. Edison Vargas taught himself (through iVoox and Duolingo) fluency in four languages and now teaches other security guards on his own YouTube channel. How? He decided to do and then he did. He didn’t blame his circumstances, he didn’t remain in his childhood; instead, he charted and followed his course. We, as Christians, ought to be such people.

If we want to understand the Bible as well as our pastors do, then we need to do what they do: study the Bible. If we want the prayer lives that some of our friends have, we can have that, but it will require giving ourselves to prayer as they gave. If we want our children to pursue the faith, then we may need to sacrifice some of our leisure time to do all we can for our children, to show them the better way.

When we sacrifice what’s needed for what’s convenient in our diets and health, we end up with major health problems. Should we expect spiritual health when we foster spiritual decay? Let us stop wishing and instead start acting; let us not be dreamers but doers. “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.” Matthew 7:21